I was waiting for the bus last week and on the wall outside the church there was a chocolate bar – just sitting there. The wrapper wasn’t open from what I could see. I thought maybe someone had dropped it without realising, but the way it was just sitting there on the wall, it looked like it had been placed. I looked around my shoulders. The left one first, and then the right. There were people around but they weren’t looking. No one knew about the chocolate bar except me. Whoever had left it was long gone. My brain said that I should pick it up, so I did. I examined the packaging and sure enough there were no tears or broken seals. My brain told me I should open it and eat it. It’s free chocolate. You’d be an idiot not to eat some free chocolate. You eat free chocolate when it’s a free sample in Tescos. I thought maybe I should put it in my bag and examine it more closely at home before I eat any. But then again, it did look like it had planted there. Outside the church. But who would do that? Why would someone do that? Have I checked the packaging closely enough? I put the chocolate bar back down on the wall outside the church in roughly the same position I had found it in. What if someone was watching me secretly… The vicar? Was this some kind of religious experiment? A covert way of feeding the needy, shame-free. Perhaps soup kitchens had re-branded as Easter chocolate hunts. I’d checked the packaging, but how well had I checked? Someone could have injected it with a needle full of something awful. I don’t know what. A disease? A poison? Salad cream? What was the cost of risking it? I don’t even like Oreo really. If I wanted it so badly, why wouldn’t I just buy one? This chocolate isn’t mine. It never was mine and it’s not mine now. I found it, but it doesn’t belong to me. I should leave it. But if it’s full of poison, what if someone else eats it? If I were someone else, I might eat it – so if I leave it, someone else might eat it and die from salad cream disease poisoning. But if it’s not been tampered with, and I throw it away, am I just depriving someone in need of food? And what if the original owner comes back for it?
I never saw it. What chocolate bar? I don’t know what you’re talking about. My bus is here, gotta go.