Brightonandonandon 4 – 6

Here’s a few more Brightonandonandon’s. Short stories about Brighton and it’s residents from last year.

↓ down there


Brightonandonandon #4 – Crinkly

The man was seen on CCTV at approximately 4:45am that Wednesday, just outside The Sealife Centre.

In the video, the Court saw the man attempting to beat a seagull to death with what appeared to be a bag of Mccain’s frozen oven chips (crinkly). The bird managed to escape the ordeal with minor shock.

The man in question will be sentenced at 3 O’clock this Friday at Brighton County Court. His only comment so far has been:

“I regret nothing. Don’t give it if you can’t take it”.


Brightonandonandon #5 – Clintons

Albert spat at the newly opened Card Factory. He turned to his wife Maggie and gripped her forearm tightly.

“I’d hoped to be dead before seeing something like THAT” he hissed to her. Maggie tutted in agreement. As they walked away, Maggie chimed in on the matter:

“This is Hove, not some squalid little Hell-Hole like London Road.”

Albert turned his body around awkwardly and gozzed up some flem for a final protest but Maggie held him back.

“But… this is a Clintons town.” Albert wept.


Brightonandonandon #6 – Chifferobe

The police had informed Colin that if the wardrobe wasn’t gone by the end of the day, they’d have to call somebody to come and smash it up.

They said that he at least had to get it out of Waitrose’s doorway as it was preventing customers from getting their trollies.

Colin opened one of the wardrobe doors, allowing an avalanche of empty White Lightning cans to cascade out onto the pavement.

One of the Officers grabbed onto the left side of the Chifferobe. Colin grabbed onto the other side and grumbled:

“You’re bollicking up my Feng Shui, you know that don’t you?”




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